Dear AWCC,

A final junket from my trip from Hello Kitty Land. A place where there are vending machines every 50 metres and the national drink is not Sake, Asahi, Kirin or Sapporo it is canned hot or iced coffee. For people who are lactose dependent, this is a very good thing.

It surprises me that the Japanese like coffee so much, as my broad brush assumption was they politely drank tea sitting legs crossed in Kimonos or other traditional dress.

The fact is, the Japanese in Tokyo are incredible. Rubbish bins do not exist, nor does there appear to be litter. Staff at shops will chase you with relentless endeavour to try and assist you, although you are just looking for items for a joke.

Tokyo is a city where anyone with a rebellious streak which may lead to societal troubles down the track should be sent. I propose (once Julia Gillard is removed from government) is to have an education revolution of my own. My plan would involve a set of standards maintainers (education vigilantes) sent to schools to identify problematic children, who show traits of being rebellious or traits of being a drug dealer down the track. These children would be captured without any warning, removed from the class room, marched in shackles to their home to collect a passport, and be sent on the first flight to Tokyo. In Tokyo, they would then be sent to a normal school, where they would be brought into line so quickly, it would not be funny. There they would learn manners, how to address adults, how to behave on a train or in a public forum, or better still how to dress properly.

The flip side of this revolution currently being set aside for school aged children, where the children are also kidnapped and sent to China where they are to trawl texts of Chairman Mao. They then would go to Britain where they could experience trade uni on life, with a secondment to Unite Union headquarters for some milita nt learnings. Finally, Germaine Greer would provide intensive insight in to a male's place in society. Your call voters.

Back to Tokyo, I went to see the Sumo wrestling at Ryogoku on the Saturday. It is a brilliant experience. The morning starts at 8:30 am in which the junior junior ranks come out. There are some real mismatches which take place (like my below par Dunstan career). The day goes solid for approximately 220 bouts. That in mind, I found myself leaving to explore the business district of town. (Familiarising myself with the Tokyo CBD for when I manage to be CFO of Hello Kitty and related entities).

This aside, I came back a bit after lunch, and passed a sumo riding his bike to the venue, another powering through kentucky fried chicken and another walking ahead of me. One thing they have going for them (Aside from being famous and being with Miss Japan women (another story that is)). T he sumo's use a wondferfully smelling hair gel. I purchased some and expect to wear it at sportsman's night. That said I will have probably shaved my head and will not wear it.

With Miss Japan, Tokyo is the Krakow of Japan. They are a terribly attractive race of people, and with a progressive fashion sense. Those will remember my claim about Miss World sleeping giants and Hungarians having aMonopoly on that title. They will now share that honour with Japan. Except, I duly note, the cities of Ashburton, Glen Iris and East Kew, is where all the real belters congregate. FACT. CARTE BLANCHE.

Anyway, I shall be more expansive in a future learning, as I must continue setting the strategic agenda.

Please ensure life is the happy drone and it is all beer and skittles with you. I expect everyone will be attending the sportsman's night. Critical club function, and promises to be an exceptional night.&nbs p; I know for a fact Damien Fleming and Merv Hughes (both hat-trick ta kers in a strange quirk) will be enthralled to hear of my dossier of cricket highlights, and heart-breaks (most notably a club bowling average 8 years ago).